The Luxury of Smug Healthiness

I have lived both sides of this coin. On one side, sits a character happily unaware of what life with any adjustment must be like. On the other side -- adjustment galore. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my own smug attitudes of days past, and see the luxury I took for granted. It reminds me to be grateful for the gems around me right now. I feel like this life is richer in many ways. You can see who lives on the surface and who dives deep. You begin to see the world with added perspective. I guess that in itself is a gift. There are gifts on both sides of the coin.

Spark

Sometimes I see a shower of mini lightning bolts. Imagine someone threw a bag of cosmic tinsel in the air and tiny bits of silver float down like silver feathers. Other people can be quick to jump to the pitying mode, the "MS Sufferer" mentality - and don't get me wrong sometimes I wear that hat too -- there are definitely challenges -- but Diane and I were chatting and she brought up a good point. The "Suffering" part can be a choice. There are challenges for us all. Of course, life without MS would be nice. You can substitute the initials MS for almost anything --stress, debt, cancer, depression, you name it. Rising to the good fight means striving for grace even when life serves you with a bowl of pits instead of cherries. It is a moving target but sometimes we can see art, even in "disability."

Kryptonite

Diane has returned from India. She was liberated again and this time "got a beautiful stent implanted snugly" in her left internal jugular vein. The 3 Perfect Days have not yet made an encore performance. The jet lag, heat and humidity may be the culprits. Some of us with MS know that the heat and humidity can up the ante on our symptoms. Fatigue and weakness can strike. For me, it is almost like the fog unfolding in a shower. My vision gets cloudy. When I first experienced this "cinematic event," I was in a running class at the gym and one by one my fellow classmates started to lose their heads in clouds of fog. Funny in a way, but scary. Thankfully, as I cooled down, a more typical scene re-appeared but that symptom is a moving target for me. No symptom is immune but they all seem to dance and want their turn in the spotlight. It is almost as though a chef is yelling out recipes at a square dance. "Let's take a hit of fatigue, with some vision fog...and then finishing with the grand finale -- a weak bladder!" "Ok now, let's start with muscle weakness..." Maybe it is not the same for others but my challenge is to remain calm during this parade.